


and i feel gay in this groupchat tonight

by Stellonia



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F, F/M, Group chat, M/M, Texting, none of them are cishet, this is... basic and im ok w/ that
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-22
Updated: 2018-02-03
Packaged: 2019-01-21 13:50:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12459102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stellonia/pseuds/Stellonia
Summary: Mango: ejurhyyurytask me about my sleepjeans: The Current Mood.Mango: srry that was johann he wanted 2 play with my phoneanti-sleepjeans activist: o, i thought you were just gay keysmashing 7th85t87tjgfgytLucretia: THZHFghyfurbjMango: thuegurt8yrd3dnk.',raask me about my sleepjeans: 7hv ';-vsgddetnt6mnDad'n'port: I'm gay - should I know what the significance of this is?





	1. Chapter 1

  _Mango >>> Jimmy Buffetttttttts Daiquiritown_

_**Mango** sent 3 pictures._  
   
**Mango** : AN GOOD BOY!!  
   
**Mango** : hes so good... oh ye btw his name is johann he lives w/ us now. jules roommate was a narc so    
   
**ask me about my sleepjeans** : Hey Mags Why Didn't You Ask Your Roommates Before Adopting This Dog?  
   
**anti-sleepjeans activist** : barold, that's fair, but also how can u hate this dog its the cutest.  
   
_**Mango** sent 8 pictures._  
   
**ask me about my sleepjeans** : i never said i hated the dog! i just think he should have come into our household after a group discussion.  
   
**Mango** : 4 all u know i asked lucresh, then it'd be a majority  
   
**ask me about my sleepjeans** : Did you ask Lucretia?  
   
**Mango** : Not Relevant  
   
**Mango** : ive known her since we were kids! so basically i know she would approve.  
   
**anti-sleepjeans activist** : IM CALLIN LUC RN, U SURE 'BOUT THAT?  
   
**Earl Merle** : big dog!  
   
**Mango** : finally someone gets it!!!  
   
**ask me about my sleepjeans** : Im only hearing Lups side of the phonecall but?? this can only end poorly.  
   
**Lucretia** : Magnus Terry Burnsides, what the fuck do you  
   
**anti-sleepjeans activist** : O FUC She Did Full Name,  
   
**Earl Merle** : ur middle name is terry???  
   
**Mango** : ye. you're my godfather u didn't kno that?  
   
**Lucretia** : I apologize, I pressed send too early. As I was saying, what the fuck?  
   
**Earl Merle** : im like... oldish. my memory is shit.  
   
**Mango** : is this a Serious anger that we need to hve a private roomie chat abt or a goof?  
   
**ask me about my sleepjeans** : for my part its a goof but im still gonna drag you. idk abt luc tho...?  
   
**Lucretia** : It's nothing, don't worry.  
   
_Mango >>> Lucretia_  
   
**Mango** : r u rlly ok? bc i dont want u to like. bottle it up  
   
**Mango** : im sorry that i didn't ask u guys first  
   
**Lucretia** : I appreciate that. It's okay, just please don't assume I'll be okay with things in the future.  
   
**Mango** : gotchu.  
   
   
_ask me about my sleepjeans >>> Jimmy Buffetttttttts Daiquiritown_  
   
**ask me about my sleepjeans** : btw it's not smart to talk abt our illegal pet dog in a groupchag w/ 2 professors in it??  
   
**Earl Merle** : im not a narc. im cool.  
   
**anti-sleepjeans activist** : "im cool" merle fuckin highchurch that is the biggest lie you've ever told  
   
**Mango** : dav never even comes here?? im p sure he turned notifications off.  
   
**Davenport** : No I didn't.  
   
**Mango** : well fuck. pls dont rat me out i was your favorite student!!  
   
**anti-sleepjeans activist** : LIKE CHILLEAN MINERS  
   
**ask me about my sleepjeans** : EMERGING FROM THE SOIL!  
   
**Davenport** : Why would I do that? Johann seems like a nice dog.  
   
**Davenport** : And I don't play favorites.  
   
**ask me about my sleepjeans** : ye c'mon guys our father doesn't have a favorite child.  
   
_**Mango** changed **Davenport's** nickname to **Dad'n'port**._  
   
**Dad'n'port** : The nickname is only in this chat, correct? If it's not I'll have to change it back.  
   
**ask me about my sleepjeans** : that's right.  
   
**Lucretia** : Oh dear god. We're having to teach him about computers. He really is a dad.  
   
**Earl Merle** : don't talk to your father in that tone  
   
**Mango** : ejurhyyuryt  
   
**ask me about my sleepjeans** : The Current Mood.  
   
**Mango** : srry that was johann he wanted 2 play with my phone  
   
**anti-sleepjeans activist** : o, i thought you were just gay keysmashing 7th85t87tjgfgyt  
   
**Lucretia** : THZHFghyfurbj  
   
**Mango** : thuegurt8yrd3dnk.',ra  
   
**ask me about my sleepjeans** : 7hv ';-vsgddetnt6mn  
   
**Dad'n'port** : I'm gay - should I know what the significance of this is?  
   
**Mango** : its just... idk? you just kinda have to feel it.nhhjth  
   
**Dad'n'port** : That doesn't help me whatsoever.  
   
**Lucretia** : It's basically just a way of expressing that you find something relatable/funny.  
   
**Dad'n'port** : I see.  
   
_Earl Merle >>> Davenport_  
   
**Earl Merle** : do you want to grossly misuse modern slang and annoy the children?  
   
**Davenport** : Of course I do.  
   
**Davenport** : That's the most relationship goals thing you've ever said to me, bae.  
   
**Earl Merle** : perfect  
   
**Davenport** : I've got some work to do - shall we do this a bit later? Tommorrow?  
   
**Earl Merle** : k.  
   
_ask me about my sleepjeans >>> Jimmy Buffetttttttts Daiquiritown_  
   
**ask me about my sleepjeans** : Lup got a text, yelled "Ch'girls gotsta go get a scoop, cya nerd!" and just left. idk what the fuck she's doing but she's perfect.  
   
**ask me about my sleepjeans** : im back @ our dorm & johann is so Good.  
   
**Mango** : I TOLD U! HE! IS! A! GOOD! BOY!  
   
**Lucretia** : My bet is that Taako is doing something stupid. He hasn't been on all day, and he's prone to doing stupid things.  
   
**Mango** : yeah probably. on a scale of doing a hit to doing a murder how bad do u think it is  
   
**Earl Merle** : i think he did a theft of your deceased cousins shoes  
   
**Mango** : that was ONE TIME!  
   
**ask me about my sleepjeans** : that scale is whack. murder shouldnt be on it, mags!!  
   
**Lucretia** : I'll Price is Right this. He did a theft of... two dead people's shoes.  
   
**Lucretia** : This scale really is bad.  
   
**Mango** : every1s a critic smh...  
   
**anti-sleepjeans activist** : y'all are all wrong lmao. i am doing recon as we speak. more updates 2 follow.

**ask me about my sleepjeans** : Mags is getting some trashbag popcorn he is ready for the drama  
   
**Lucretia** : That stuff is disgusting. You're a dog father now, you have to set a good example.  
   
**Mango** : weve all made mistakes, lucy!! barry used to say he didnt know how to vacuum when he worked at the movie theater!! some of us just happen to be making mistakes right now!  
   
**ask me about my sleepjeans** : honestly? that was a good grift who the fuck wants to teach a 16 y/o how to vacuum. nobody!  
   
**anti-sleepjeans activist** : HERES THE SITCH. taako texts me & says Tall, Dark, and Handsome, this guy from his history class who he's been majorly crushing on, is asking abt open mic night at the coffee shop?  
   
**Mango** : taako has a crush & he didnt tell me?!? I THOUGHT WE WERE BEST FRIENDS!!!  
   
**eating isnt vore, you idiots** : i hate u all & fuck off.  
   
**Lucretia** : He speaks! So... tell us about him. :) :) :)  
   
**ask me about my sleepjeans** : :) :) :)  
   
**anti-sleepjeans activist** : i tell him 2 stall as long as he can so he can talk 2 TDH more. then i put on a disguise and rush my ass over 2 the shop bc im his sister and i suck.  
   
**eating isnt vore, you idiots** : you wore the sunglasses u stole from mags thats hardly a disguise!!!  
   
**Mango** : the what  
   
**anti-sleepjeans activist** : they were still flirtin' when i got there... he got his number for "any questions" he has ;)  
   
**anti-sleepjeans activist** : it was ages ago, statute of limitations is up, theyre dope sunglasses  
   
**Lucretia** : Interesting... :)  
   
**Earl Merle** : you kno abt safe sex right?? if you want i could draw you a diagram  
   
**eating isnt vore, you idiots** : nobody wants that!  
   
**ask me about my sleepjeans** : father no!!!  
   
**lucretia** : Yuck.  
   
**Mango** : Banned.  
   
**Earl Merle** : okay!! im just looking out 4 u guys. be open about what youre comfortable with consent should be enthusiastic.  
   
**ask me about my sleepjeans** : thats good advice i just rlly dont wanna think abt ur sex life.  
   
**Dad'n'port** : :)  
   
**Mango** : no!!!  
   
**anti-sleepjeans activist** : ... anyway, let's all give him hell lmao.  
   
**eating isnt vore, you idiots** : ive done nothing wrong ever in my entire life i don't deserve this.  
   
**Lucretia** : False.  
   
**ask me about my sleepjeans** : hold on i have receipts  
   
**anti-sleepjeans activist** : SHOW 'EM BABE! drag my brother!  
   
**ask me about my sleepjeans** : from when i told him i was into lup:  
   
" **gay rights!** : this isnt a shovel talk, per se. i wont be kicking your ass if you ever hurt her, she will, but i'll be righr there with her flipping you off.  
   
**Game Theory: is Shaggy a stoner?** : I don't plan to? I'm trusting you not to tell Lup any of this, since I'm really not planning on doing anything about this. But, uh, yeah. No plans on hurting her as a friend either.  
   
**gay rights!** : tiny nerd man you are weak and a fool.  
   
**gay rights!** : go for it, lol. im not gonna be a dick abt it? she likes you for some godforesaken reason i couldn't comprehend in my worst nightmare. just make her happy, dumbass.  
   
**Game Theory: is Shaggy a stoner?** : Thanks, I guess? What happened to not being a dick about it...?  
   
**gay rights!** : i changed my mind. youre too easy to insult."  
   
**Mango** : LMAO GET REKT  
   
**anti-sleepjeans activist** : please dont say get rekt we're trying to be right here.  
   
**eating isnt vore, you idiots** : this is homophobia.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The response to this fic has been incredible? Thank you all so much, I'm flattered y'all like my silly fic. <3 I hope you enjoy chapter 2!

_krvtz >>> eating isnt vore, you idiots_

**krvtz** : Thank you for all of your help, this is my first time doing one of these things.

 **eating isnt vore, you idiots** : np man.

 **krvtz** : Could I have your name? I'd like to mention you in my Yelp review.

 **eating isnt vore, you idiots** : 1) dont do that, then ppl will have expectations 4 me. im fine limboing under the incredibly low bar ive set for myself. 2) there r a lot smoother ways to ask me for my name.

 **krvtz** : Okay...? I don't get what you mean by limboing, you've really gone above and beyond for me.

 **eating isnt vore, you idiots** : ya, cuz youre cute.

 **krvtz** : oh!

 **krvtz** : Thanks, you too.

 **krvtz** : You're also cute.

 **krvtz** : As for your other point. I think I just proved I'm not smooth.

 **eating isnt vore, you idiots** : lmao, obvi.

 **krvtz** : i really dont want to keep thinking of you as "vore man". i dont want to cause a pavlovian response to vore?? that'd be a Bad Look.

 **eating isnt vore, you idiots** : fair.

 **Taako™** : okay done, is it loadin on your end?

 **krvtz** : "Taako™"?

 **Taako™** : u kno it! its pronounced like taco. if you make the "taako bout it" pun i will block u immediately. idgaf how hot u r ive got standards

 **krvtz** : Noted.

 **Taako™** : ur name is kravits, right?

 **krvtz** : Kravitz with a z, but yes.

 **Taako™** : oh lmao i thought the username was 4 the aesthetic.

 **Taako™** : im glad its not bc i dont know how long i could stand sk8r boi style.

 **krvtz** : but sk8r boi style isnt an immediate dealbreaker...?

 **Taako™** : you arent a motherfucking tony hawk radical skater i swear to fuckity

 **krvtz** : no!! i was just curious!!

 **krvtz** : i tried to do parkour when i was 14. it didnt end well

 **Taako™** : gmugk4hbfj oh my god

 **krvtz** : i have some actual friends who do real parkour theyll never let me live it down

 **Taako™** : ADD ME TO THAT LIST MY DUDE! im cacklin SHOW ME PICS

 **krvtz** : har har.

 **krvtz** : im not sharing pictures.

_ask me about my sleepjeans >>> Jimmy Bufetttttttts Daiquiritown_

**ask me about my sleepjeans** : why did taako change his global name for no apparent reason... something is Fishy Here

 **ask me about my sleepjeans** : any theories?

 **Taako™** : bc i wanted to change it? buzz off

 **Mango** : *merle voice* dont lie to me young man

 **Lucretia** : Taako once tried to change his global name to just "Taako" because he had a business call, but he only changed his nickname in this chat, remember?

 **Lucretia** : So he appeared as "rb if u would fuck alton brown".

 **ask me about my sleepjeans** : holy shit he WHAT? was this b4 i joined?

 **Taako™** : i was valid dont boo me

 **Taako™** : anyway why r u making me relive this

 **Lucretia** : All I'm saying is you have a history of not knowing how the nickname system works?

 **anti-sleepjeans activist** : BREAKONG NEWS: TAAKO GOT A NOTIFICATION THAT WAS NOT FROM THIS CHAT!!

 **Mango** : ITS TDH! its tdh im calling it!

 **Mango** : HE CHANGED USERNAME SO TDH WOULDNT THINK HE WAS INTO VORE!

 **Mango** : IVE SOLVED UR USERNAME PUZZLE!

 **Taako™** : you all suck.

 **Earl Merle** : dont be rude

 **Taako™** : okay yeah i was talkin w/ him. he uses his laptop most of the time so he asked if we could message here

 **anti-sleepjeans activist** : did he make the taako bout it joke?

 **Taako™** : no i warned him ahead of time. i couldnt risk it he's too hot

 **anti-sleepjeans activist** : give me the Details

 **Taako™** : his name is kravitz, he's the type of person who leaves yelp reviews, he's dorky, and he'll be singin at open mic night.

 **Earl Merle** : do u think he'll play wonderwall?

 **Mango** : WOAH WOAH WOAH

 **ask me about my sleepjeans** : woah 4 u thats an incredibly positive review?? he sounds nice, good for you.

 **Mango** : WOAH GUYS

 **anti-sleepjeans activist** : invite me 2 the wedding!! ive got a bunch of teasing 2 payback get ready

 **Taako™** : chill guys weve like. flirted 3 times.

 **anti-sleepjeans activist** : whats wrong mags.

 **Mango** : jules knows kravitz!! a guy named kravitz!! i dont think there are a lot of kravi here so!!!

 **ask me about my sleepjeans** : iiiiits a smallworld affter all!

 **anti-sleepjeans activist** : do NAUGHT get that stuck in my head. i will send u to hell barold.

 **anti-sleepjeans activist** : also ur the best and im so glad we're together but DO NAUGHT

 **Taako™** : huh, wild. does she have pics of his parkour phase?

 **Earl Merle** : ITS A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL!

 **anti-sleepjeans activist** : i wont heistate bonch.

_Mango sent 4 photos._

_Taako™ >>> krvtz _

_Taako™ sent 4 photos._

**Taako™** : <3

 **krvtz** : How did you get those??? Im astral projecting

 **Taako™** : i have ways.

 **Taako™** : mayb i'll tell you about them if u go on a date with me?

 **krvtz** : thst soynda gtear!

 **Taako™** : idk if thats a yes but its an emotion and im feelin it. if not its fine btw, just makin a called shot

 **krvtz** : I'm so sorry! I was so excited to send that I... didn't really check for spelling errors?

 **krvtz** : That sounds great. When/where?

 **Taako™** : Tomorrow,@ 8 PM, chug 'n squeeze?

 **krvtz** : chug 'n squeeze??

 **Taako™** : chug 'n squeeze.

 **krvtz** : okay then. <3

_Taako™ >>> Jimmy Buffetttttttts Daiquiritown _

**Taako™** : ya boy got a date!

 **anti-sleepjeans activist** : damn already?? nice.

 **Taako™** : not everyone pines for decades LUP

 **anti-sleepjeans activist** : stfu i was being nice to you dingus.

 **anti-sleepjeans activist** : barry says congrats btw, also he blushed when u said i pined?? he does know that we're dating, right.

 **ask me about my sleepjeans** : i know we're dating its just still!!  i had such a big crush on you its weird to know you felt even remotely similar!

 **ask me about my sleepjeans** : also, before you can say it: aww babe, you had a crush on me? thats embarrassing.

 **anti-sleepjeans activist** : aww babe you-- GODDAMN IT BLUEJEANS

 **Taako™** : wtf you guys ur literally in the same room?? why r u texting.

 **Dad'n'port** : Millenials and their phones, am I right??

 **Dad'n'port** : I hope you and Kravitz have a swag date. ;)

 **Taako™** : full offense but im in hell.

 **Dad'n'port** : ?

 **Taako™** : ugh nvm

 **Mango** : TAAKOS GOT A HOT DATE!

 **Mango** : where are you going? :D

 **Taako™** : not telling, bc you'd spy on my date as if my life is the gd bachelor

 **Dad'n'port** : EPIC BURN

 **Taako™** : life is pain.

 **Earl Merle** : life hack: pretend to forget your wallet so ur date has to pay

 **Mango** : listen, i know im not the responsible friend! i know who i am.

 **Mango** : so the fact that i know thats awful advice says something.

 **Dad'n'port** : wait you did that on purpose?? what the fuck merle we went to a really nice restaurant!

 **Taako™** : hhoooolly shit

 **Dad'n'port** : years later, after we were MARRIED, you told me it was because you were nervous!

 **Mango** : i call not it for testifying at their divorce trial!

 **Taako™** : none of those words mean anything in that order, mags

_Earl Merle sent le_troll_face.png_

_**Dad'n'port** changed their nickname to **DAB'n'port**. _

_**DAB'n'port** changed Earl Merle's nickname to **Merl0lz**. _

**Lucretia** : We're a meeting of the minds here. I will not heistate to kick your sorry asses out of this chat.

 **Merl0lz** : YOLO

_Lucretia has removed Merl0lz from the group._

**Mango** : HOLY SHIT

 **anti-sleepjeans activist** : i have no words?

 **Lucretia** : Do you have anything to say for yourself?

 **DAB'n'port** : YOLO

 **ask me about my sleepjeans** : Top 10 Famous Last Words

_Lucretia has removed DAB'n'port from the group._

_Davenport >>> Earl Merle _

**Davenport** : That was the best idea you've ever had, Merle.

 **Earl Merle** : Second best.

 **Earl Merle** : I did decide to propose to you. <3

_Taako™ >>> Jimmy Buffetttttttts Daiquiritown _

**Taako™** : thank the fuck.

 **Taako™** : i saw my whole life flash before my eyes

 **Taako™** : it was sweet. my life is incredible

 **Lucretia** : I can remove you too :p

 **Mango** : ooooooohkfjegrrmfby

 **Lucretia** : But seriously, I'm super happy for you. How did you get the courage to ask him?

 **Taako™** : i approch life w/ a nihilistic view & pretend i dont care abt anything to ignore my crushing need 4 validation.

 **Lucretia** : Oh.

 **anti-sleepjeans activist** : mood?

 **Lucretia** : That really doesn't help me, but I'm sorry? Would you like to vent?

 **Taako™** : nah not rn i dnt wanna think abt it. lets move on

 **Lucretia** : I asked because I'm thinking of asking Rebecca out on a date?

 **ask me about my sleepjeans** : Rebecca ? is that "pan philosophy girl" ?

 **Lucretia** : Yes! I've been talking with her, but I don't know if I'm reading into things too much.

 **Mango** : go for it!!!!

 **Taako™** : i mean, what Vibes are you gettin??

 **Lucretia** : She said this today:

"<3 Rebecca <3: Luc, I'm so glad I know you. You've changed my view on so many things. I lack the words to describe how amazing and wonderful you are, you hold such a special place in my life. I hope you know that."

 **Mango** : oh yea she's got it BAD for u!!

 **anti-sleepjeans activist** : DEFINITELY LUCY! theres no heterosexual explaination for this

 **Lucretia** : That's really reassuring... She's out of town currently, but I'll at least try. Thank you. :D

 **Taako™** : the "<3 Rebecca <3" is like, a personal nickname u set for her right?? one she cant see

 **Lucretia** : Yes.

 **ask me about my sleepjeans** : we already have... i mean had 2 old men (RIP) im rlly concerned why dont u know how nicknames work

 **Taako™** : fuck off!! im too pretty i never had to compensate for anything!

 **Taako™** : i just wanted to make sure, okay? bc if she knew u set her nickname to that her reaction would be important.

_Taako™ >>> Kravitz <3 _

**Taako™** : 24 hours till the best date of ur life

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope all of the nickname shenanigans make sense? like, what is personal & what is public or w/e
> 
> There wasn't a natural way to mention it, but the reason Barry calls Rebecca "pan philosophy girl" is that Lucy always thought she was cute, but didn't wanna get her hopes up in case she was straight. She came into class wearing a pan pride t-shirt and Lucretia was super happy.
> 
> again, thank you for all of the kudos/comments, they keep me Thriving. thank you always to KHG for all your help, and for being my best friemd. i'm at @creme_lee on twitter!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gazpacho is Julia's screenname, in reference to the Gazpacho/Mango bit on MBMBAM. 
> 
> Anyway here's wonderwall.

_Gazpacho >>> Mango_  
   
**Gazpacho** : Mags I need you to stop me from doing something dumb  
   
**Mango** : and u came 2 me with this task??  
   
**Mango** : the king of doing dumb ideas?? you should totally do it  
   
**Gazpacho** : no I need you to stop me from murdering my roommate  
   
**Mango** : oh. yeah please dont do that one  
   
**Mango** : what BS did he do this time?  
   
**Gazpacho** : Kalen asked if he could have my leftover lasagna. I politely said no, because my wonderful boyfriend made it for me.  
   
**Mango** : !!!! thats me!  
   
**Mango** : ur also wonderful jules ilysm  
   
**Gazpacho** : I come back to our dorm after visiting my father. (btw he sends hugs and kisses, also ilysm too! <3)  
   
**Gazpacho** : Then there's half eaten lasagna on the counter. Not only did he eat the fucking thing, he let it spoil too! He's being a huge dick AND wastefull!!  
   
**Mango** : wtf i wanna fight him. he's such an asshole, im rlly sorry you have to put up with him.  
   
**Gazpacho** : And, he had the gall to leave his dirty laundry out and expect me to do it for him!!  
   
**Gazpacho** : maybe if you were a good roommate lmao!! no favors for shitheads!  
   
**Mango** : let me do his laundry, ill wash his whites w/ his colors. ill let them get wrinkly as fuck  
   
**Gazpacho** : There's a part of me that wants to be the bigger person and take the moral high road, but honestly fuck the high road!!  
   
**Mango** : hell yeah!!  
   
**Gazpacho** : I'll come over with his stink clothes. They'll be in a garbage bag. To contain the stink. Because he stinks.  
   
**Mango** : sounds gr8, ill try & get one of those uh... clippy bois?  
   
**Mango** : u use it to pinch stuff? like bags or in a cartoon ur nose??  
   
**Gazpacho** : Clothespin???  
   
**Mango** : YE THATS IT!!  
   
_**Mango** sent a video._  
   
**Mango** : I told johann that "julia's coming over!" so he started to do this  
   
**Mango** : its also how i feel whenever u come over  
   
**Gazpacho** : <3 I'm so excited to see my boys again! Headed your way.  
   
**Mango** : drive safely! i love u jules  
   
_ask me about my sleepjeans >>> Jimmy Buffetttttttts Daiquiritown_  
   
**ask me about my sleepjeans** : #FreeMerle #FreeDavenport  
   
_**ask me about my sleepjeans** changed their nickname to **#FreedomForOurFathers**_  
   
**#FreedomForOurFathers** : i never thought id say it, but lads: i miss em!!  
   
**Taako™** : lmao r u just worried that w/out them here u'll be the new punching bag for groupchat roasting  
   
**anti-sleepjeans activist** : hmmmm Funny, but if i doth remembereth correctly, you've been the chat laughingstock recently, TaTa  
   
**Taako™** : do not ever call me TaTa ever again if you want your life to continue.  
   
**#FreedomForOurFathers** : for once i agree with koko, please dont call him that  
   
**anti-sleepjeans activist** : lmao fine  
   
**Taako™** : u dont have koko privileges either, asshole  
   
**Lucretia** : I'll add them back eventually. They're just in time out.  
   
**anti-sleepjeans activist** : yknow, how did these two old farts end up in this chat anyway??  
   
**anti-sleepjeans activist** : isnt d-port  like. ur uncle.  
   
**Lucretia** : Not by blood, but yes. And Merle is Magnus's godfather, so I've known him since... forever, really.  
   
**anti-sleepjeans activist** : ye, so why are they in the vore & sex jokes chat??  
   
**Lucretia** : I made the chat when I went off to college, since Magnus was still in high school and I didn't want to drift apart. Davenport was also involved on a new research project, so I was worried about losing touch with him too.  
   
**Lucretia** : Then Merle just kind of was a no-brainer for a member.  
   
_**Mango** sent 2 pictures._  
   
**Mango** : hi look @ my beautiful gf and our doggo!  
   
**#FreedomForOurFathers** : oh, it comes with lore.  
   
**anti-sleepjeans activist** : dope. tell julia i say hi and that we rlly need to have a movie night soon  
   
**Mango** : also it wasnt a vore joke chat until the twins came in. then it was vore this! vore that!  
   
**Taako™** : we didnt make that many  
   
**Mango** : julia says hi back! & that she'll text u abt future movie nights  
   
**#FreedomForOurFathers** : i genuinely thought lup was into vore, taako. for months!  
   
**anti-sleepjeans activist** : uhhh. honey?? months? didnt u say u started to have a thing for me after one month?  
   
**Taako™** : oh dear god im ascending  
   
**Lucretia** : Holy shit.  
   
**Mango** : VORE KINK! VORE KINK!  
   
_**anti-sleepjeans activist** changed **#FreedomForOurFathers** nickname to **Vore Boy**_  
   
**Vore Boy** : no to all of this!!!  
   
**Vore Boy** : no!! this is not how im going to be remembered!  
   
**anti-sleepjeans activist** : google search how to cope with your bf being into vore  
   
**Lucretia** : Unimaginable.  
   
_**Vore Boy** changed their nickname to **Mutual Respect Boy**._  
   
**Mutual Respect Boy** : changed it to my real kink  
   
_**Mango** changed **Mutual Respect Boy** 's nickname to **Vore Boy**._  
   
**Mango** : nope.  
   
**anti-sleepjeans activist** : thats real cute, but it aint gonna derail this conversation.  
   
**anti-sleepjeans activist** : this is a safe space, babe. we're all supportive here.  
   
**Taako™** : lmao im not supportive. im puttn him on blast one hundo percent.

**Vore Boy** : the vore thing wasnt a positive! but i looked in the mirror and i asked myself if my feelings about lup would change if she was genuinely into vore  
   
**Vore Boy** : the answer was no, and it's still no.  
   
**anti-sleepjeans activist** : aww babe <3 ur still a vorey but thats sweet  
   
**Vore Boy** : id do anything to make lup happy, and if thats vore?? whomst am i to judge'  
   
**anti-sleepjeans activist** : just to be clear: vore absolutely will not make me happy.  
   
**Taako™** : im kinksaming  
   
**Taako™** : ***SHAMING  
   
**anti-sleepjeans activist** : UHHHHH  
   
**Lucretia** : Hfjygitkyh. Freudian slip?  
   
**Vore Boy** : The Real Swallow Boy!  
   
**Taako™** : fuck off. freud can suck my dick.  
   
**Mango** : isnt that basicaly what freud is all about???  
   
**Lucretia** : Broken clock is right twice a day. Also, fuck Freud.  
   
_Earl Merle >>> Lucretia_  
   
**Earl Merle** : please let us back in!! i have something really important to share with the group!!  
   
**Earl Merle** : i promise ive learned my lesson!! no more memes! dav has too!!  
   
**Earl Merle** : LUCRETIA!!!!!!  
   
**Lucretia** : Why should I believe you?  
   
**Earl Merle** : i swear it on my Xtrem Teen Bible.  
   
**Lucretia** : ... Okay, but you're on thin fucking ice.  
   
_Lucretia ››› Jimmy Buffetttttttts Daiquiritown_  
   
_**Lucretia** added **Earl Merle** and **Davenport** to Jimmy Buffettttttts Daiquiritown._  
   
**Vore Boy** : LIKE CHILEAN MINERS  
   
**anti-sleepjeans activist** : EMERGING FROM THE DEPTHS  
   
**Lucretia** : Okay, Merle. What's your big announcement?  
   
**Taako™** : boooooo  
   
**Davenport** : It's nice to be back. :)  
   
**Davenport** : Why is Barry Vore Boy now? I leave you children alone for one day.  
   
**anti-sleepjeans activist** : we accused barry of being into vore. which turned into me being accused of vore. then taako showed his hand so now he's into vore.  
   
**Davenport** : I don't understand this sequence of events, and truly? I don't want to.  
   
**Taako™** : can we go 24 fuuckin hours without mentioning vore?? please?  
   
_**anti-sleepjeans activist** changed **Vore Boy** 's nickname to **Barold Bluebeans**._  
   
**Barold Bluebeans** : I'd protest the nickname, but after Vore Boy??? ill take it thx lups  
   
**Earl Merle** : Ok so u guys.. mayb Lucy and Mags will remember her, but it was a while ago they were little munchkins. But I was engaged to this woman named Hekuba?? it ended poorly. that one was my bad, i was sort of shitty. but that was like.... 16 years ago. we're good now, do a lot of church stuff together. she has a toddler, mavis. cute kid, her dad left. rlly was a Bad Time  
   
**Barold Bluebeans** : Lore  
   
**Earl Merle** : she wanted another kid, w/ a co-parent, but not a romantic partner. shes been burned in too many relationships. to be fair, i was one of those bad relationships. live laugh love learn  
   
**Earl Merle** : she said. and i quote. "I know that I will never, ever, ever fall in love with you. The thought will never even once cross my mind." which yknow hurt my feelings but  
   
**Earl Merle** : she asked if i wanted to be the donor & co parent and all that shit. so yea! dav & i are gonna be dads.  
   
**Lucretia** : Holy shit.  
   
**Barold Bluebeans** : wow?? im happy for y'all i know we give u shit but u guys are genuinely Fatherly.  
   
**Davenport** : :) thanks!  
   
**Taako™** : i pity that poor child. but, plus side: kids r the opposite of their parents, that tiny shit is gonna be RADICAL. congratulations, you fuckers.  
   
**Lucretia** : You guys practically raised me, you're going to be so wonderful. <3  
   
**Mango** : HIFKRKYGJHHHH OH MY GOD!!! I JUST SAW THIS IM FRREEEAKING OUT!! YOU GUYS!!  
   
**Barold Bluebeans** : I can confirm, he's bawling. Neither of us have explained what's going on to Julia. I should probably do that.  
   
**Mango** : ILL MAKE TJHEM A CRIB!!  
   
**Mango** : WAIT IF ITS SHARED CUSTODY THATS TWO NURSERYS? TWO CRIBS!!  
   
**Earl Merle** : awww shucks.  
   
**Mango** : jules & i will do babysitting whenever you need us too!!  
   
**anti-sleepjeans activist** : taako, bb&j, and i will also help out.  
   
**Barold Bluebeans** : i dont think any of us know how to change a diaper?? but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.  
   
**Taako™** : lmao u think ill do what now??  
   
**Taako™** : im not gonna touch that literal shit. & i wont do it for free, i charge by the hour  
   
**Davenport** : So... you're offering to babysit for a (presumably exorbitant) price, and also you won't change their diaper.  
   
**Taako™** : yep!  
   
**Lucretia** : I kept almost every book I ever read as a child - I'll get them out of storage for you guys.  
   
**Earl Merle** : thank u for the support you guys!!  
   
**Davenport** : Yeah, we really appreciate it. <3  
   
**Barold Bluebeans** : this chat goes from "vore vore vore" to "Actual Feelings" so fast  
   
**Lucretia** : Now you've done it. You said the forbidden word.  
   
**Lucretia** : *taako voice* stop talking about vore you dumbassses! brb goin' to make a V O R E  J O K E  
   
**Barold Bluebeans** : thats a scarily good Taako impression  
   
**Mango** : why hasnt taako cussed you out already??  
   
**anti-sleepjeans activist** : he's getting ready for his Date rn.  
   
**Earl Merle** : his date is in like, 2 hours, right? y is he getting ready so soon  
   
**anti-sleepjeans activist** : Some people are just Extra, merle, and we're valid.

_krvtz >>> Mango_  
   
**krvtz** : I know we don't talk that much (which is something we really ought to fix), but you know Taako pretty well, right?  
   
**Mango** : yeah, i do! do u need advice?? taako loves being little spoon.  
   
**Mango** : dont tell him he should be on chopped. he's applied and never gotten a response. if he gets too drunk he'll bring it up. do not engage it only ends poorly!!  
   
**Mango** : if he ever talks in spanish to u dont try & translate it. he only ever says nonsense, its to mess with u, ur better off pretending its something romantic.  
   
**krvtz** : All very good advice, I'll keep that in mind. But, uh... how formal should I dress?  
   
**krvtz** : It's a wine and pottery place, which suggests fancy. But it's... it's the fucking chug 'n squeeze. There's a 70% chance I'm on a hidden camera show and he's pranking me into thinking I had a chance with him.  
   
**Mango** : OH DUDE! a) taak wouldnt tell me where u were going so NOICE ive solved his date puzzle, b) i dont think he's punking u?  
   
**Mango** : dress up real fancy. taako is gonna love that.  
   
**krvtz** : Thanks for the advice.  
   
**Mango** : np!  
   
**Mango** : also dont u dare hurt him. itd cause my friend pain, which would suck, and julia & i would disagree on whos side to take. which isnt as bad, to be fair, but still  
   
**krvtz** : I'll try my best.  
   
_anti-sleepjeans activist >>> Jimmy Buffetttttttts Daiquiritown_  
   
_**anti-sleepjeans activist** sent 6 photos._  
   
**anti-sleepjeans activist** : here r taakos Date Night Glamour Shots.  
   
**Taako™** : im fuckin exquisite, cya losers  
   
**Davenport** : And modest, too.  
   
**anti-sleepjeans activist** : hooly shit. taako left on time??  
   
**anti-sleepjeans activist** : he's like. Always ""fashionably late"". funny.....  
   
**Earl Merle** : suspicious...  
   
**Mango** : !!  
   
_**Mango** sent 2 photos._  
   
**Mango** : julia & i spent all day wrecking her shitty roommates laundry it was amazing i love her.  
   
**Barold Bluebeans** : oh. thats what you were doing??  
   
**Lucretia** : I thought you were preforming some dark ritual, and if I'd ask it'd legally incriminate me.  
   
**anti-sleepjeans activist** : that sounds petty as SHIT i love it.  
   
**Mango** : wait fuvk are there legal laws about what we did???  
   
**Barold Bluebeans** : "Legal Laws."  
   
**anti-sleepjeans activist** : im an undercover cop, i have been the entire time!! your under arrest  
   
**Barold Bluebeans** : mhm? an undercover cop that smokes weed?  
   
**anti-sleepjeans** : no your honor you dont understand, i was blazing it to keep my cover intact---  
   
**Lucretia** : I mean... he's done far worse, hasn't he? If he does make a complaint you've got plenty to hold over him.  
   
**Lucretia** : Plus, you can deny you were the one to mess with it, if he's not home when it's dropped off.  
   
**Davenport** : So you're suggesting blackmail?  
   
**Lucretia** : When you put it that way, it sounds so ugly.  
   
**Mango** : btw since Taako prob wont read the backlogs: krav messaged me asking for advice?? im so glad my friend is getting a romcom romance  
   
**anti-sleepjeans activist** : did u tell him the chopped thing?  
   
**Mango** : ye!  
   
**Barold Bluebeans** : im Shook. like, holy shit, i think this guy is as In Deep as i was??  
   
**anti-sleepjeans activist** : i say this because i care: nobody will ever be as helpless as we were. we were so dumb & full of... u kno. adoration. respect. lust. all those sappy things.  
   
**Barold Bluebeans** : okay thats fair.  
   
_Koko >>> Lulu_  
   
**Koko** : Fuck Lup  
   
**Koko** : im bathroom texting u bc FUCK!!  
   
**Lulu** : good fuck or bad fuck??  
   
**Koko** : good fuck.  
   
**Koko** : he showed up in a gd three piece suit??? to the CHUG AND SQUEEZE! i mean, damn, i aint complaining  
   
**Koko** : for some reason he got super spooked around the instructor & did a shitty british accent?? as a defense mechanism or some shit? now he has to keep the illusion up its hilarious  
   
**Koko** : i accidentally overshared bc, ykno, im gay?? and he responded in a good way.  
   
**Koko** : he also has super cold hands.  
   
**Lulu** : bro!! thats dope, im rlly happy this worked out  
   
**Koko** : i rlly didn't plan for this to be anything but a fling, despite what you chucklefucks kept assuming, but i could see myself doing this a lot more? the fuck?  
   
**Lulu** : he really makes u that happy?  
   
**Koko** : yeah. he does.  
   
**Koko** : huh. didnt expect that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i woke up in a cold sweat realizing i had accidentally written mookie out of existence so.
> 
> comments and kudos give me Life. thank you so much for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone! i managed to get writers block on the most self indulgent fic in the world!
> 
> shoutout to carly rae jepsen for being great music to write to, thank you all for your patience. enjoy!

 

 

 

_anti-sleepjeans activist >>> Jimmy Bufetttttts Daiquiritown_  
   
_**anti-sleepjeans activist** sent 3 photos._  
   
**anti-sleepjeans activist** : fro-yo date w/ my bf (barry friend)  
   
**Lucretia** : My eyes cannot comprehend what I see in this image, but I know it to be cursed.  
   
**Earl Merle** : nice to see you kids having fun!!  
   
**Barold Bluebeans** : hey lucretia dont talk abt my gf like that!!  
   
**anti-sleepjeans activist** : yeah luc!! im hurt :(  
   
**Lucretia** : 1) I would never imply Lup to be anything less then the radiant goddess she is. 2) You know damn well I was talking about the fact you're calling frozen go-gurt "fro-yo".  
   
**anti-sleepjeans activist** : thx lucy u r also stunning.  
   
**anti-sleepjeans activist** : everyone in this chat is so beautiful I Lobe My Friends.  
   
**anti-sleepjeans activist** : would you rather i call it fro-go?  
   
**Earl Merle** : isnt that a pokeman  
   
**Lucretia** : I'd rather you not call it anything, because it shouldn't exist.  
   
**anti-sleepjeans activist** : rude!!!!  
   
**anti-sleepjeans activist** : im not gonna touch the pokeman comment with a ten foot pole.  
   
**Earl Merle** : ah, but you're thinking about it, aren't you?  
   
**Lucretia** : Merle, you were deeply invested in Pokemon Go, you know how it's spelled.  
   
**anti-sleepjeans activist** : Barry has been typing & erasing some message for two minutes now?? whatchu working on babe  
   
**Barold Bluebeans** : i was gonna make some joke abt freezing my adoration for friends juice and it was gogurt all along but. i couldn't stick the landing idk  
   
**anti-sleepjeans activist** : it's goof adjacent. it wants to be a goof when it grows up.  
   
**Lucretia** : It's what we writers call a 'shitty first draft'.  
   
**Barold Bluebeans** : y'all r teaming up on me.  
   
**Davenport** : You don't just... get frozen go-gurt on a whim. You have to freeze it ahead of time. This was a premeditated food murder.  
   
**Lucretia** : Exactly!  
   
**anti-sleepjeans activist** : it was barrys idea blame him!!!  
   
**Davenport** : Really? Lup, I expect this of, but Barry? I'm disappointed.  
   
**Lucretia** : ^  
   
**Earl Merle** : ^  
   
**anti-sleepjeans activist** : rude!!  
   
**Barold Bluebeans** : why would you ever assume im a responsible human being??  
   
**Lucretia** : I realize now what a mistake that was.  
   
**Earl Merle** : i just imagined lup coming to you in a dark alley w/ the gurt, and like a psa you go along with it bc ur in love with her or some shit.  
   
**Earl Merle** : say no to drugs kids  
   
**Taako™** : im a chef can confirm, that shit is nasty wtf  
   
**Barold Bluebeans** : uhhhhhhhhhhhh Taako is here!! why dont we ask him abt his date instead of dwelling on tgis!!  
   
**Barold Bluebeans** : isnt lucreshs crush back in town?? why dont we talk about that!  
   
**Davenport** : Taako's date is so last season. Now we're into delving into your psyche and trying to figure out what the fuck possessed you to do this.  
   
**Taako™** : im always in vogue you whore  
   
**Taako™** : im all for givibg barry crap but there's a line  
   
**anti-sleepjeans activist** : youve gone too far.  
   
**Earl Merle** : the energy in this chatroom? terrible  
   
**Davenport** : I'm sorry, Taako. How was your date?  
   
**Taako™** : none of ur business  
   
**Barold Bluebeans** : idk my mom made them when i was a kid and something something freud?? i have a psych class in like 40 minutes ill ask my professor about it'll satisfy you guys  
   
**Barold Bluebeans** : fuck class is actually in 10 minutes shit ive gotta go  
   
**Earl Merle** : Barry was a straight A student until he started doing frozen go-gurt. Look at him now...  
   
**Lucretia** : The go-gurt stuff has stopped being funny. Congratulations, gang, we've successfully overused a meme in less then 24 hours.  
   
**Davenport** : I still think we've got a little more mileage on it.  
   
**Lucretia** : Sorry to say it, but you're over 30, your natural instinct is to overuse a joke.  
   
**Lucretia** : Lest we forget the Lolcatz incident?  
   
**Earl Merle** : that was on purpose tho!!  
   
**anti-sleepjeans activist** : this is a callout post for my brother:  
   
**Davenport** : I miss when you were younger and didn't constantly make fun of me.  
   
**Lucretia** : The linear flow of time is a bitch.  
   
**Taako™** : TGIS ID A CALLPT5 POST ROR LUP: SHW STARED DRESZMILY @ BARRTS ASS  
   
**anti-sleepjeans activist** : he said i "stared dreamily at barrys ass".

 

 

 

  
**anti-sleepjeans activist** : words that are used have meanings!!  
   
**Earl Merle** : oooh, can we do this like an episode of judge judy??  
   
**Lucretia** : I mean, were you staring dreamily at his ass?  
   
**Taako™** : yes she was!!  
   
**anti-sleepjeans activist** : no i wasnt!  
   
**Earl Merle** : don't lie to me. this is a court of law that's perjury.  
   
**anti-sleepjeans activist** : i was staring at his ass as he walked away, i will freely admit that!  
   
**Davenport** : Jesus Christ, is this for the "drama of it all?" Why do you do these things? I'm tired.  
   
**anti-sleepjeans activist** : but dreamily is just! dreamily should have a restraining order on the word ass, they shouldnt be anywhere near each other!  
   
**Taako™** : but u were!! proof: its not like i WANTED to see this happen. i have no reason to read into this. but my human eyeballs had to see my sister dreamily staring at his ass!!  
   
**Lucretia** : Words we've ruined today: Go-gurt, dreamily, stared, and ass.  
   
**Earl Merle** : my verdict is: lup is guilty of dreamily staring at his ass.  
   
**anti-sleepjeans activist** : super, am i gonna go to nerd jail or some shit?? what was the point of this excercise!!  
   
**Taako™** : proving me right. it was a success  
   
**Mango** : taako got super into go-gurt when he got his wisdom teeth removed, so hypocrite much?  
   
**Taako™** : we dont talk about the key lime incident!!!  
   
**Mango** : also rebecca is back in town??? lucy you said you'd ask her as soon as she got back!  
   
**Mango** : also julias roomie is soooo pissed. we didn't think this through.  
   
**Lucretia** : I'm busy right now.  
   
**Mango** : doing what??  
   
**Mango** : dont say your homework because i know youve already done it  
   
**Lucretia** : My homework.  
   
**Lucretia** : Damn it.  
   
**Lucretia** : I'm just really nervous so I'm stalling.  
   
**anti-sleepjeans activist** : hes rlly difficult when hes angry isnt he? what is julia gonna do abt it  
   
**Mango** : Luc! Ask her out!! Just do it! I believe in you!  
   
**Mango** : oh, we're gonna pull more pranks. but we're aware that this is dumb. so its not a stupid mistake, its a stupid CHOICE! bam.  
   
**Earl Merle** : u can do it kiddo! ask her!  
   
**anti-sleepjeans activist** : there's no way she's gonna say no, luc! and if she does i'll punch a shitty movie with you. that was a typo, i had two ideas for what i was gonna say, but im keeping it its funny  
   
_**anti-sleepjeans activist** changed their nickname to **punch a shitty movie**_  
   
**Lucretia** : I appreciate the support. I'm just anxious.  
   
**Taako™** : ill make the macaroons if u do it! also im sending my gay solidarity u can do or w/e  
   
**Mango** : the big guns! c'mon!  
   
**Lucretia** : Okay, I'll call her now. Wish me luck.  
   
**punch a shitty movie** : wuh-luh-wuh support gl gl  
   
**Mango** : oh! with that out of the way, i DO definitely want details about your date taako!  
   
**Mango** : if u say no ill just ask him myself  
   
**Taako™** : ugh fine just bc im feeling gay. we had a good time, he's pre-med, and we have a second date planned,  
   
**Earl Merle** : huh, a doctor... a shame. he sounds good anyway  
   
**Mango** : AAA!  
   
**Taako™** : Merle you are the ONLY person who thinks being a doctor is a negative!  
   
**Earl Merle** : im just saying, theyre in the pocket of big pharma! think about it!  
   
**Davenport** : This is a lie. Merle goes to the doctor regularly. He had his surgery in a hospital. When we discussed options for where to give birth with Hecuba, he was in favor of the hospital.  
   
**Earl Merle** : shush, i have an image to mantain!  
   
**Lucretia** : aasghhglti!! guys!  
   
**Mango** : OMG LUC  
   
**Lucretia** : We're going get coffee in an hour!  
   
**punch a shitty movie** : BAZINGA!!!! congrats!  
   
**Mango** : I KNEW IT WOULD WORK OUT! HHH !!!  
   
**Davenport** : :) Have fun!  
   
**Earl Merle** : all of the kids r getting dates! happy 4 u.  
   
**Taako™** : coffee date. great strategy. enjoy yoself, ill shop for the macaroon stuff rn  
   
**Lucretia** : I Feel Gay In This Groupchat Tonight  
   
**punch a shitty movie** : Mood  
   
**Taako™** : uhh weak? im always feeling gay in the groupchat  
   
**Barold Bluebeans** : !! lucy!! thats exciting!  
   
**Barold Bluebeans** : lup why did u change ur username?  
   
**punch a shitty movie** : read the backlogs

 

 

 

**Barold Bluebeans** : uhghhhhhhhhhhhhhh  
   
**punch a shitty movie** : ?  
   
**Barold Bluebeans** : that was just. directed at all of the ass stuff, i guess.  
   
_Fruit Lups >>> Oops! All Barrys_  
   
**Fruit Lups** : hey, is everything okay? you've just been acting weird lately, if i said something i want to know.  
   
**Fruit Lups** :  idk, it might just be in my head?  
   
**Oops! All Barrys** : well shit. no, i guess there is something? i didn't know if i should bring it up right now.  
   
**Fruit Lups** : can we talk abt it? i'd like to know what i did.  
   
**Oops! All Barrys** : you didnt do anything wrong! its me.  
   
**Oops! All Barrys** : wait fuck  
   
**Oops! All Barrys** : that sounds like im breaking up with you.  
   
**Oops! All Barrys** : im not breaking up with you.  
   
**Fruit Lups** : okay. phew, i was a bit worried.  
   
**Oops! All Barrys** : i'm definitely not, sorry for worrying you. this is probably a conversation we should have face to face, can I come over?  
   
**Fruit Lups** : sure.  
   
_Taako™ >>> Jimmy Bufetttttttts Daiquiritown_  
   
**Taako™** : im *carly rae jepsen voice* just going to the store to the store, and  
   
**Taako™** : theres this toddler in the seafood section and he's chanting "shrimp! heaven! now!". he's growin louder  
   
**Mango** : sltjyyigjyk  
   
**Mango** : Shrimp! Heaven! Now!  
   
**Taako™** : UPDATE: HIS MOM JST SAJID "PLEASE DANIEL WE CANT KEEP DOING THIS"  
   
**Lucretia** : SHRIMP! HEAVEN! NOW!  
   
**Lucretia** : This child is a prophet.  
   
**Davenport** : "Please Daniel, we can't keep doing this," is me everytime you kids do some shenanigans.  
   
**Mango** : SHRIMP! HEAVEN! NOW!  
   
**Earl Merle** : i dont get it?  
   
**Taako™** : SHRIMP!  
   
**Taako™** : HEAVEN!  
   
**Lucretia** : This is incredible, can we agree not to run this one into the ground?  
   
**Taako™** : NOW!  
   
**Taako™** : gd it i was doing this cool countdown!! you ruined it!  
   
**Lucretia** : I'm sorry. Do you want to try again?  
   
**Taako™** : no the moments gone.  
   
**Taako™** : but yea, can we not ruin this please  
   
**Davenport** : What is shrimp heaven? Why does Daniel need it now?  
   
**Taako™** : fuck all this talk made me hungry . Im gonna get the stuff for shrimp scampi and uhhh  
   
**Taako™** : uhh idk what goes well with shrimp scampi?  
   
**Lucretia** : Revenge.  
   
**Mango** : more shrimp scampi!!  
   
**Earl Merle** : Jazz.  
   
**Taako™** : why did i even ask.

 

 

 

_Lulu >>> Koko_  
   
**Lulu** : please say you have your phone on i need to talk to you i have an Emotional Emergency  
   
**Koko** : and u came to me? u do kno i hate emotions, right???  
   
**Lulu** : yeah, i just need someone to listen & i only trust you for this  
   
**Koko** : mmkay, hit me  
   
**Lulu** : Barry Said The L Word  
   
**Koko** : we arent straight tv writers, you can say lesbian  
   
**Lulu** : poignant commentary on the lesbophobia in todays media climate!! absolutely not what i was talking about!  
   
**Koko** : yo but seriously uhh Yea thats heavy? im assuming u werent ready 4 that?  
   
**Lulu** : yea?? its a Lot lemme just write up my feelings  
   
**Koko** : gotcha.  
   
**Lulu** : ill tell u when im ready to Discuss. rn i just need to explain it all  
   
**Lulu** : i noticed hes been,,, idk weird and distant so i asked him abt it. he said we should prbly be having this convo face 2 face so he came over  
   
**Lulu** : so he said like... a bunch of schmaltzy shit. he even had a gd Everything Changed moment of realization!! u kno how ppl rub constellations on their partners skins and little patterns?  
   
**Lulu** : i was just. drawings dicks and 69s!! because i was being a little shit! like the fuck, ppl arent supposed to like my irritating quirks, theyre supposed to drive you away! they sure as hell arent something im used to people loving!  
   
**Lulu** : youre not supposed to l*** me so much u struggle to hide that & act weird bc its just wanting to burst out!!  
   
**Lulu** : and he said so many times "i'm really not expecting you to feel the same way, or say it." & "i know thats usually code for 'please say it back' or whatever, but im really not, if im going to fast or spooking you ill slow down."  
   
**Lulu** : and i didn't say it back i just cried for a while and then we had a mature adult conversation about where we saw this relationship going it was LAME  
   
**Lulu** : because! we both see this as a longterm thing! thats fucking wild! we both have pretty similar views on where we want to be, and he said something sappy like "our final destinations the same, so ill go as slow as you need me too, as long as im traveling with you."  
   
**Lulu** : when did we get so lame! we were just eating fro-go a few hours ago & being young and shit!  
   
**Lulu** : and seeing you and luc all just startin new relationships makes me a little jealous, i guess  
   
**Lulu** : because its easy when its new and still being defined!  
   
**Lulu** : theres a selfdestructive part of me that wishes this didn't go well! because i dont think i deserve this.  
   
**Lulu** : because he didn't do anything wrong! and that self-destructive part wishes he did, because then it wouldn't be so obvious im the one doing it wrong. that im the broken one.  
   
**Lulu** : i can imagine a future where i am in love with him. i dont even have to try that hard, it feels like it could be so easy, but im not there yet  
   
**Lulu** : ive never been in love. i mean, i love you taako, you're my heart. but its different.  
   
**Lulu** : i think im falling in love with him. but thats a dumb thing to say to a person. this isnt the bachelor!  
   
**Lulu** : this isnt the bachelorette!  
   
**Lulu** : this isnt bachelor in paradise!  
   
**Lulu** : this is none of the bachelor family of products!  
   
**Lulu** : you dont... say things like that. i dont want to have to put any modifiers when I Say It.  
   
**Lulu** : he asked if it was something he could say to me, or if id be uncomfortable with it rn.  
   
**Lulu** : i told him i didn't want him to say it Regularly, but i wanted to hear him say it again  
   
**Lulu** : and that wild son of a gun he sure did say he loved me again!! what was i expecting?? it sure did Make Me Feel  
   
**Lulu** : im not like. im not used to this! the part of my brain that ruins everything i care about says i should ghost him but thats dumb as fuck!  
   
**Lulu** : so i just. don't know what to do!  
   
**Lulu** : okay thats all of it, you can talk now.  
   
**Koko** : Okay, so, all of that stuff about being broken is horseshit, so jot that down.  
   
**Koko** : we've got some trust issues. you're already miles ahead of me in that department, but you're still working on it. it's okay to take time to heal.  
   
**Lulu** : yeah, i guess.  
   
**Koko** : you deserve happiness. if anybody does, its you.  
   
**Koko** : he's not going to leave unless you want him to, which is a weird thing to get used to but  
   
**Koko** : we have a group of friends now. and you have a stable relationship.  
   
**Lulu** : im worried im gonna mess it up, and this life we're building for ourselves will come falling apart  
   
**Koko** : it wont, i promise.  
   
**Koko** : you're happy with the relationship and how its been going, right?  
   
**Lulu** : Yes.  
   
**Koko** : and do u think he's happy with it?  
   
**Lulu** : Yes.  
   
**Koko** : then i think itll be okay.  
   
**Koko** : this shit takes time, but we've got plenty of that, right?  
   
**Lulu** : yeah, we do.  
   
**Lulu** : i feel a lot better. thanks brobro  
   
**Koko** : i have smth that will make u feel EVEN BETTER  
   
**Lulu** : ???  
   
**Koko** : ive got the ingriedents for shrimp scampi and a bottle of white wine, u wanna chow down on this shit?  
   
**Lulu** : hell yeah!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank u KHG this was a big chapter im so sorry fkthu
> 
> i debated for a while if i should keep the love plot in, but i kept coming back to it. i really hope i portrayed less angst (altho a little) and more of "two ppl who care about each other very much being open about their feelings." 
> 
> bc usually i just put in *nihillistic joke* "hey do u wanna Talk abt that" "nah not rn." which is how i normally am, but sometimes u do need to talk
> 
> also. merle is a huge believer in modern medicine. he still has the prosthetic arm in this au thats important to me. but he's aware of his hippie vibe/tried to cultivate it, so he thinks its the funniest shit in the world to talk about "big pharma"
> 
> and honestly, shrimp heaven now was low hanging fruit, but damn if it aint juicy. the scampi stuff also has some stuff pulled from mbmbam.
> 
> uhh i think thats it! thank you so much for all of the comments.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> like CHILLEAN MINERS!
> 
> im so sorry for the hiatus - got in a Bad Funk. thank u all so much for the support! more details abt updates in the end notes, here's a short & sweet chap!

_Fruit Lups >>> Oops! All Barrys_

**Fruit Lups** : we're good right???

 **Fruit Lups** : i know we had that mature conversation or whatever but im just really paranoid about all this.

 **Fruit Lups** : and im terrified that i'll fuck up one of the best things in my life.

 **Fruit Lups** : okay! im gonna go ironically watch bad boy amvs and ignore my feelings.

 **Oops! All Barrys** : babe, we're good, of course we are. please dont worry abt all this. i get that seems like an empty reassurance but i promise its not. just tell me what i can do to make you feel more comfortable and i'll do it.

 **Fruit Lups** : its 2 AM why are you awake.

 **Oops! All Barrys** : ... why are you awake?

 **Fruit Lups** : damn. you got me there,

 **Oops! All Barrys** : can we do a rabb.it? u kno im horny for mid 2000s amvs.

 **Fruit Lups** : h e l l y e a h

_punch a shitty movie >>> Jimmy Buffetttttttts Daiquiritown_

**punch a shitty movie** : I PUT MY HAND INSIDE A TOILET

 **Barold Bluebeans** : jigjgktktfdorof THAT'S NOT GOING TO MAKE ANY SENSE W/O CONTEXT

 **punch a shitty movie** : like it makes sense with context???

 **punch a shitty movie** : miss me with that decipherable humor.

 **Mango** : y'all getting into weird youtube again aren't you?

 **Barold Bluebeans** : yuuup.

 **punch a shitty movie** : i know why WE'RE up this late, but why are you?

 **Mango** : it's five. i'm not up late, i'm up early

 **Barold Bluebeans** : no, you're just wrong, but whatever.

 **Mango** : rude!!

 **punch a shitty movie** : oh my god it's actually five. when the fuck did it become five.

 **Barold Bluebeans** : after it was four?

 **punch a shitty movie** : HCKDKFJHTGHMHFJ

 **punch a shitty movie** : IM VMFKFKFJG HJYYHY

 **punch a shitty movie** : IM GONNA WAKE TAAKOV UP BUY THIS IS TYOO GOOD

 **Barold Bluebeans** : it wasn't even that funny?! im really glad its making you happy im just confused.

 **punch a shitty movie** : im sleep deprived. everything os funnky to me.

 **punch a shitty movie** : i put my hand.,, inside a t oi let.

 **Barold Bluebeans** : u sure do, babe, u sure do,

 **Mango** : i'm the most functional person in the group right now, and that concerns me.

 **Mango** : my meds haven't even kicked in yet. but im... coherent, at least.

 **punch a shitty movie** : fuck u i was never coherent!!

 **Barold Bluebeans** : congratulations ur a responsible human do u want a paarrtiicipation tropphy

 **Mango** : Please go to bed. I care about you.

 **Barold Bluebeans** : You aren't the boss of me!!!!!

 **Barold Bluebeans** : im enjoying my youth!! im not destined to be a middle-aged surburban dad when im in my 20's!!!!! i like sciemce amd I CAN PARTY

 **Earl Merle** : Good morning, kiddo's.

 **Mango** : G'mornin!

 **Barold Bluebeans** : like him!!!! i dont have to be a merle!!!

 **Earl Merle** : i used to think you were a douchebag, barry.

 **Earl Merle** : then i just thought you were uptight.

 **Earl Merle** : im leaning towards douche again, son.

 **punch a shitty movie** : DAMN

 **Mango** : Barry are you drunk I'm not going to judge I just want to know if I should get a hangover cure ready for you.

 **Barold Bluebeans** : iiiim drunk on lup, and high on summerrtiiime

 **punch a shitty movie** : im blasting nightcore versions of country songs in our rabb.it.

 **punch a shitty movie** : so we're under the influence of something, alright.

 **Earl Merle** : what's nightcore??

 **Mango** : LOOK WHAT YOU TWO HAVE DONE!

 **punch a shitty movie** : this is a terrible mistake babe we've made so many terrible mistakesgirjf

 **punch a shitty movie** : this is a toilet full of garbage and we dumped the trash in it

 **Mango** : Lup please don't say it.

 **punch a shitty movie** : AND OIM PUTT MY HAND INSIDE THIS TOILET!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the meds magnus mentions are for adhd! my medication takes abt an hour to kick in so i based it on that. projection whom?
> 
> okay! so a difficulty for me in writing this chapter was that i wanted Things To Happen Faster but couldn't really do that since every chapter has been one day so far.
> 
> so i have two ideas.
> 
> 1) have more, shorter chapters, with the same pretense that each chapter is one day.
> 
> 2) have multiple days in the same chapter, using some Stylistic shit i haven't decided on yet to indicate that time has passed.
> 
> i'm leaning towards the second, but i want to know what you guys want!
> 
> as always, i'm overwhelmed by the support for this fic and the lovely comments. i have to jet soon, but i promise i'll reply to y'all! thank you so much for ur patience


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~~ indicates that time has passed. enjoy!

_Taako™ >>> Kravitz <3 _

**Taako™:** there's this old dude @ my work who has never heard of headphones, apparently

**Taako™:** or public spaces. or common fuckin sense

**Taako™:** this asshole, this motherfucker, this buffoon is loudly speaking at their phone. why, you may ask?

**Taako™:** well, i cant be one hundo, but he's asking 'who's a good kitty?'. so this lonely pathetic fartbag feels the need to talk to his cat at a dumb hipster coffee shop

**Kravitz <3:** Im sorry, that sounds like an awful time you're having.

**Kravitz <3:** Are you allowed to ask him to, ah, I have to put this so delicately - ask him to shut the fuck up?

**Taako™:** idk my man i didnt pay attention during training

**Taako™:** normally i'd say fuck it! taako is out!

**Taako™:** but the location is rlly convenient and job hunting sux so :))

**Kravitz <3:** My condolences

**Kravitz <3:** how long does your shift last?

**Taako™:** until closing

**Kravitz <3:** Perfect! I'll see you tonight, then.

 

_Taako™ >>> Jimmy Buffetttttttts Daiquiritown_

**Taako™:** Fuck.

**Taako™:** fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

**Taako™:** i'm screwed!!!! im packing my bags and moving away!!! im gonna steal someones identity and get full face surgery and assume their life!

**Taako™:** ... no. it's not that bad yet.

**Davenport:** Okay. I'll bite. What's minorly inconveniencing you?

**Taako™:** well fuck you too!

**Davenport:** So you can be extra all you want, but I do one snark and it's all gone to hell?

**Taako™:** if any of our competent women were here, i'd just ignore you, but of course lup would have their movie marathon during my hour of greatest need, so i'll ignore your transgressions

**Lucretia:** I'm still seeing these messages. I am just choosing not to respond.

**Taako™:** so kravitz and i were havinf a good convo when OH FUCK OFF LUCY

**Lucretia:** Noelle confiscated Lup's phone because of her soundboard app, so she genuinely isn't ignoring you. If that makes you feel any better.

**Taako™:** nope. not really.

**Lucretia:** Well, good luck. I'm going back to the competent women.

**Davenport:** Smart move. Bye, Lucretia.

**Taako™:** bye useless asshole. so much for gay/lesbian solidarity.

**Davenport:** Are you going to tell us the actual problem, or is this all for naught? I will not hesitate to call in The Full Merle.

**Mango:** OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH DUNK

_**Mango** changed **Earl Merle** 's nickname to **The Full Merle**_

**Taako™:** anything but that!! dear lord, its called building some tension. let me weave u a word tapestry

**Mango:** Also!! Hi i cannot wait to see where this is headed

**Taako™:** and then he asked abt my shifts, and when i told him i'd be here till closing, he said he'd see me tonight.

**Taako™:** it is... possible that i got caught up in the gay, and forgot that he was signing up for open mic.

**Taako™:** and now i have to be here. and watch it. and possibly hear him play acoustic guitar shittily or tell bad jokes. this is a deal breaker waiting to happen.

**Mango:** hjgiykykckykJrfGJRHFK POBODIES NERFECT!

**Davenport:** That's it?

**Taako™:** im being vulnerable and?? this is how you do me?

**Davenport:** Artistic expression is something sacred. A perceived imperfection can be seen as a positive in another light. Even if his voice is pitchy, or his tight five is a loose six - so what? It'll be a person you're interested in sharing a piece of their soul.

**Mango:** ohmygpdn thats so deep abd amazing? fuck dav im crying

**Taako™:** k but if art is all about how u perceive it, im still allowed to perceive it as sucking

**Taako™:** put THAT on a tshirt

**Mango:** Once Julia and I were dancing at her cousin's wedding, and she really wasn't coordinated and she only knew 3.6 dance moves but she was putting it all into every step and I just thought that was so amazing.

**The Full Merle:** Davvy said u needed sage advice from a handsome, wise, trusted adult.

**Taako™:** too bad there's nobody like that here.

**The Full Merle:** oh, my name changed! why??"??

**The Full Merle:** :( if we're being mean, then i'll tell u dav said u had broken his spirit and called me in for relief

**Taako™:** go read the backlogs if u really wanna know.

**Mango:** but i remember it was one of the first times i was "better" at her then something and how she was still a real person too and how she never half-asses anything!!! she just danced because she liked dancing and she was so free. we danced with her younger cousins and she was just. magnetic. not in the "mwahaga ill outshine you at your wedding" way, bc both of the brides were perfect abd amazing too, but you couldn't help but be drawn to her. and she was.,, holy shit i lobe her so ,much.

**Mango:** sorry i rambked im just... She

**Taako™:** nah m'dude dont apologize its just. there's not a single thing about that i can make fun of.

**Taako™:** but that was like, hella irrelevant. u were at a wedding together, this clearly wasnt A New Thing between u.

**Mango:** lol, we had been dating for 5 days.

**Taako™:** what the fuck magnus

**Mango:** the relationship was going well! u kno i rush into these things. and we're still together!

**Taako™:** okay, you two are freakishly built for each other and obviously are going to get married in the garden of a castle during a perfect spring day, with a 6 tier wedding cake and shit.

**Mango:** ... no, i always pictured it as a lowkey thing in her dads backyard with cheesecake and all of our friends.

**Mango:** thats an oddly detailed plan??

**Taako™:** david tutera is a genius and i will not be shamed.

**The Full Merle:** davenport sung fucking opera for me on our.... something-th date. u just gotta hear what he's expressing, even if that's wonderwall.

**Mango:** Oh, yeah. That was the original point. I guess I got sidetracked.

**The Full Merle:** the best paths in life are the sidetracks - a granola bar i once had.

**Taako™:** now THATS art

**Mango:** hey, uh, wasn't the whole point of this that u had to be at work?? why are you even here if you're working

**Taako™:** we arent that busy today. a terrible awful cat fucker is driving away all our customers.

**The Full Merle:** BS. Tell me the truth, young man.

**Taako™:** ... im hiding in the breakroom and havin ren cover for me.

**The Full Merle:** son. get your ass back to work

**The Full Merle:** i don't believe for a second that this is just about the dumb open mic. idk what it is about. im not here to pyschoanalyze you.

**The Full Merle:** eventually, you just need to put the tiger on the table and yell at it. it'll all be fine, trust me.

**Taako™:** for a brief second i respected you what the FUCK just happened

**Davenport:** That's the power of The Full Merle.

_Mango >>> Gazpacho _

**Mango:** hey babe! i hope you're having a gr8 movie marathon. i know u won't see this/respond until later but im Feeling Things rn, so standing in this bliss and chasing my truth

**Mango:** i just love you so so much! being around you makes anybody's life better, being in a relationship with you makes mine the best. i love your confidence and your charisma, i love your kindness and your bravery, i love your humor and your wit. i love how you're able to think on your feet. i love how smart you are, because you really are the smartest person i know. i love how hard working you are. i love how you're tough but not cynical. i love how you kill all the spiders for me. i love you so so so so so so so (x infinity) much.

**Mango:** i also think you're really pretty. that's more of the cherry on top, and is in no way a reflection of your value or worth as a person. but its always worth acknowledging how beautiful you are.

_Mango >>> Jimmy Buffetttttttts Daiquiritown_

**Mango:** remember when i found weed growing in merle's flowerbed  & he panicked and tried to give me the say no to drugs talk.

**The Full Merle:** not my finest moment, i will admit.

**Davenport:** When he planted it, he told me it was oregano. I knew, but pretended I didn't to humor him.

**The Full Merle:** wait u knew?

**Davenport:** Why did you think I kept choosing recipes with oregano in it? I just wanted to see how long you'd keep it up.

**The Full Merle:** dav, u grifted me? that's so romantic.

~~~

_Gazpacho >>> Mango:_

**Gazpacho:** babe!!!

**Gazpacho:** you are the best, mags. i can't tell you how happy this made me!! i have the biggest grin on my face. i love you so so so (x infinity + infinity. i win :P) much! i love how sweet and kind you are, the way you're able to make friends with anybody. i love how you make others laugh, and i love it when you laugh at your own jokes, because damn right they are funny! i love how you put your heart into everything you do. i love how earnest you are. i love that you're always up for an adventure. i love how you support me no matter what. i love that you make me coffee in the morning. i love that you send me nice messages. i love you.  <3

**Gazpacho:** also ur face is good and your butt won't quit.

_i'm not a scaley, but-- >>> Girls club! Girls club party! owo what's this? no personality tim, yet again. Please stop changing the title. No!!! I Do What I Want! blease,,_

**i'm not a scaley, but--:** The Oh Shit Smile

**Lucretia:** The Oh Shit Smile

**N03113:** The Oh Shit Smile

**the french fry kid / julia:** is this cyberbullying?

**The Lady Flame:** The Oh Shit Smile

**Killer Killian:** The Oh Shit Smile

**i'm not a scaley, but--:** this isn't bullying! it's cyberloving you and your Oh Shit Smile.

_**Quoth the Gayven** changed the group name to **Girls club! Girls club party! owo, what's this? no personality tim, yet again. Please stop changing the title. No!!! I Do What I Want! blease,, The Oh Shit Smile**_

**No Ragrets (hurley):** what's this new meme, guys

**Killer Killian:** sorry i rlly wanna tell you but it's a *shnowden voice* shecreht.

**The Lady Flame:** julia had The Oh Shit Smile. what more could u possibly need to know,

**No Ragrets (hurley):** don't exclude me from memes because i missed one session, you dipshits! that's illegal! im like 3/4ths of a cop i can 3/4ths arrest you

**Lucretia:** That tracks. We have to tell her, I suppose.

**N03113:** We should probably let Jule's explain it, yea?

**Quoth the Gayven:** i'm 3/4ths of an undercover cop and you're all 3/4ths under arrest gkfkfkfjh

**i'm not a scaley, but--:** can we pick which parts? bc i dont want my hands arrested, then u can't dun handcuff me. whatchu gonna do then.

**The Lady Flame:** if you hit the 1/4th of her that isn't a cop, it's a 1HKO. it's her weak spot.

**Killer Killian:** Loving this gamefaqs guide on how to kill our dear friend Hurley

**the french fry kid / julia:** So. Movie marathon had just ended, (it was a club banger of a time btw, we all missed you.) and noelle had returned my phone. she confiscated the phones of lup and i after some.... shennanigans

**Quoth the Gayven:** OOH DUNK ORIGIN STORY IS BEGINNING

**No Ragrets (hurley):** what shenanigans?? paint me a word picture

**The Lady Flame:** s h e n a n i g r a m s

**the french fry kid / julia:** so i got this text from magnus that was just. so sweet!! he was just... thinkin' about me and wanted to let me know. and i smiled, The Oh Shit Smile i guess, and appropriately enough just said "oh shit!" while everyone else was starting to pack because i realized i am definitely going to marry this man.

**Lucretia:** And so, goblins that we are, we turned this genuine romantic epiphany into a meme.

**No Ragrets (hurley):** I WOULDN'T HAVE IT ANY OTHER WAY!! CONGRAGGLELATION!!

**the french fry kid / julia:** Yea! :D then carey started chanting "The Oh Shit Smile!" this was verbal but we all knew what the capitalization was

**i'm not a scaley, but--:** im a master thief bc i stole a precious memory from u :3

**Killer Killian:** that one was a lil forced, babe

**i'm not a scaley, but--:** ye, i kno

**N03113:** Y'all, it's'.. so heartwarming to see Julia and Magnus together.

**the french fry kid / julia:** I mean, we had talked about it in the theoretical. we deffo wanted to get married soon, relatively speaking. but i now want to get married soon in the non-quantum sense. like, asap.

**the french fry kid / julia:** so, anybody got proposal ideas?

**The Lady Flame:** Two words: Medieval. Times.

**the french fry kid / julia:** thanks! i hate it.

~~~

_Barold Bluebeans >>> Jimmy Bufetttttttts Daiquiritown_

**Barold Bluebeans:** I sure as hell missed a lot, dinnit I?

**Lucretia:** Seems like it.

**Barold Bluebeans:** hey!!! how was y'alls night?

**punch a shitty movie:** LUP'S BACK! BACK AGAIN! LUP'S BACK! TELL A FRIEND!

**Mango:** hey!!!!

**Lucretia:** It was great, although all I can think about is a dumb meme that I can't share.

**Barold Bluebeans:** Is my NSA agent gonna leak the details if I see this forbidden meme?

**Lucretia:** Got it in one.

**Taako™:** Hello. Do not worry about your favorite gay, Taako, for fortune has favored thineself tonight

**punch a shitty movie:** hi asshole how did it go

**Barold Bluebeans:** speak for yourself, my favorite gay is sally ride

**Lucretia:** Mine is Oscar Wilde.

**punch a shitty movie:** macklemore!!

**Taako™:** Srry I can't hear haters :/

**Mango:** if u can't hear haters then how did u even know there were haters!!

**Barold Bluebeans:** inquiring minds want to know!

**Taako™:** he sung, it was good, i actually listened to your advice sort of. art is beautiful life is beautiful also we kissed, that's the relevant part. i'm not taking any questions at this time. this has been your Taako™ update. goodnight fucks.

**Lucretia:** That was efficient, if nothing else.

**punch a shitty movie:** Good for u, garbage boy.

**Mango:** hey, upcoming topic change!!!!

**Barold Bluebeans:** ??

**punch a shitty movie:** Bold strategy. Didn't even attempt a segueway. Let's see how this plays out.

**Mango:** how do you find out somebody's ring size??? without asking

**Barold Bluebeans:** WAIT HOLD ON, !!!

**Lucretia:** Magnus Terry Burnsides, are you going to propose?

**punch a shitty movie:** AAAAzasbELDKRJkhprkgm

**Mango:** YEAH I AM!!! i mean, the timings sorta impulsive, but we've been thinking of moving in together soon, and the tiger has always been on the table, so it's just a matter of yelling at it!!

**Barold Bluebeans:** MAGS IM SO HAPPY FOR YOUQ!! holy shit this is so exciting!!

**Mango:** IM HAPPY FOR ME TOO!!

_Hula Lup >>> Lucretia_

**Hula Lup:** So. This is a bit of a problem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey remember the first chapter of this fic where i set up the open mic shit? yeah i didn't either.
> 
> the cat thing is something my dad does. 
> 
> the WIP title for a section of this was "I Love Julia" and it shows because. damn i do really love her.
> 
> the davenport Art Perception Thing was inspired by comments i got from ao3 user "TrueColours". i don't know if i really did it justice, but i tried!
> 
> i really appreciate all of your kind comments! <3 thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> comments/kudos are appreciated!
> 
> i'm at @creme_lee on twitter. thank you to KHG for your help editing and posting, you're a lifesaver. <3


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